I mentioned in my blog on 18th December
that I had finally received 12 sessions of NHS high intensity CBT. I first undertook the Mental health assessment back in February 2018. During the telephone assessment they asked what I wanted to achieve. I’m nearing the end of my sessions now and last week the therapist reminded me of what I said… it brought me to tears… below is what I said back then :
‘I think I just need someone to help me and equip me with the tools to deal with the anxiety and the anxiety attacks when they’re at their worst.’
‘I think then I will be able to self-help.’
‘I want to enjoy myself and feel happy again and not be constantly stuck indoors and bored.’
‘All the little things that I would like to enjoy again.’
I look back and know how desperate and poorly I was. I look at those words and they make me feel sad for who I was. I look at those words and they remind me of how far I have come. I look at those words and they help me look forward.
Life has changed, I have changed. I continue to look forward and work on all my goals regardless of how small. I like who I am now and because I have got so much out of the high intensity CBT and because of how far I’ve come, I am going to self fund further support when my free sessions end.
The anxieties have not gone, I still live with them everyday. It’s part of me and I’m part of it, we’ve just learnt to live together and coexist.
Never underestimate surviving and living through each day. Never underestimate how far you have come.
I’m grateful for how far I’ve come and the support I have received. The important thing was that I acknowledged how ill I was and sought and continue to seek the help I need.
Never ever be afraid or ashamed to ask for help and support, if I can anyone can.
As ever big love N x
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