It's really difficult to write an honest blog without offending anyone. However I always said I would be true to how I'm feeling...Friends and family please do not think my thoughts are directed to you personally, this is merely an observation and I wanted to share my thoughts in order to broaden/help peoples understanding. I wanted to tackle a difficult subject that I know people experience when they are honest and upfront about their mental health.
It feels as though when you are honest about suffering with mental health issues that people keep a bit of a distance. I get that...people don’t know what to say, they are worried they will cause upset, they think the person needs 'time', it's difficult for them to.
In my situation as I don’t find it easy making new friends, all my closest friends live over an hour's drive away and my parents also live over an hour to 2 hours' drive away. With my anxiety being as it has been, I have at times struggled to leave the house, so me going to visit friends and family has been impossible.
However, no one has been to visit me in the 6 months I have been ill. I'm not looking for sympathy here or a queue at my front door...however I am explaining this as my mental health issues have been VERY isolating! I have never felt so alone. If I have found it isolating and I am extremely happy in my own company, then other people must feel massively isolated too.
I also get that at times I haven't wanted to see anyone... my advice is if you know anyone else going through issues...go and visit anyway....just turn up! With mental health issues it is sometimes difficult reaching out to friends and family when your own self worth is low and you have lost all confidence in yourself. You may have asked that person "what can I do to help?" they aren't necessarily going to know...I didn't know how to help myself, trying to explain to others how to help me was difficult.
Before my anxiety was REALLY bad... I was the queen of excuses, not because I didn’t care but I simply found certain situations awkward and difficult. I know how easy it is to make excuses about not being able to visit someone...we're all guilty of it. If you know someone is down, upset, depressed, going through a tough time...make the effort. That contact might be the only friendly face that person has seen all week, that person will feel special just because you have taken time out of your precious day to just be with them....you may even save their life! Make them know they're loved and valued.
When I first started having serious panic attacks, the best thing someone did with me was stand with their hand on my shoulder whilst I cried my heart out...I knew at that point that I was poorly....that person didn’t say anything, they just stood with me. It was powerful.
I'm grateful that I have 2 special men in my life, my husband and my brother. Some people have no one close to them, some people may feel they can't talk to immediate family. It is sometimes easier to talk to someone slightly more outside like a friend.
If friends and family distance themselves from you because you have mental health issues, I'm sure they have their reasons, those that don’t have valid reasons shouldn’t be in our lives anyway. We should be proud that we're achieving something just by simply carrying on.
My message is.....sometimes it's not about what you say, it's just about being and being present with the person in need. Sometimes we all just need someone to put their hand on our shoulder and say nothing at all and just know they're there.
Thank you for allowing me to be open and honest ...big love x
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