Thought I'd take a break from answering the questions and provide a bit of an update as to where I am currently.
I feel like I have achieved so much over the last few weeks. Doing stuff I haven’t been able to in a long time...it's had its consequences though.
I always knew my recovery would be slow and whilst I am getting out and trying to do more bits and pieces...These few outings are completely wiping me out. I think this is because it's taking a lot of mental preparation and is emotionally exhausting.
As a result of this I am feeling really run down. I am completely knackered like I could cry I'm so tired. I'm not sleeping well for whatever reason. I have this chest and throat thing going on that’s there, but not really developing into a full blown cold or fully coming out, that I've had for over a week. The eczema on my face has made a reappearance. It's a little frustrating that the few things I have managed to do over the last few weeks has rendered me feeling this way. How will I ever get better if I don't get out there and start doing stuff again? I understand I need to be patient and with time...a lot of time... this will get better.
So friends and family this is me saying... I am really trying but everything is still so exhausting both physically and mentally. There will still be times that I say no to arrangements, this isn't necessarily the anxiety talking but me being sensible and knowing my limits.
An recent analogy someone used with me was... 'you wouldn’t expect someone with a broken leg to be running world record breaking marathon a week later'...it's true.
Honestly though compared to what everyone else is doing... I feel like I should be able to cope and therefore am embarrassed to say I'm feeling quite run down. I know at this point my Councillor
will be saying "but you're not everyone else" and "not everyone is you or have been what you've been through"...she's right of course! This is why my ongoing work with the Councillor continues regarding the crazy expectation I have of myself and my constant feelings of guilt.
It's just embarrassing to say I'm feeling tired next to someone who has just worked a 12 hour day or 7 days straight or whatever. On this point though why is it we have this need as humans to compare how tired we are compared to the next person. I recently found myself saying to my husband that his version of tired is different than mine because we are just different humans. I guess it’s important for me to remember my tiredness and everyone else's tiredness is just different as we all have different limits and capabilities...I just need to tell my recovering brain this.
Please keep reminding me to be patient with myself.
Big love N x
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