Evanesco (a reference from Harry Potter)- 'The Vanishing Spell. Evanesco is a transfiguration spell used to vanish both animate and inanimate objects'...... More on why this is appropriate later.
Much to be proud of this week. This is the first time since I was a teenager that I can say I am no longer on Anti-D's. I have been off them for over a week. I know it's very early days but I'm taking this as a victory. I have also been very lucky not to have had horrendous side effects. I have felt a bit glazy at times and I have struggled to recall certain things from my memory but otherwise nothing too bad. Other things that have happened as a result...I seem to have my emotions back, like I have cried a lot this week and I think that’s due to the fact Anti-D's have numbed my emotions for a long time. I have felt almost jubilant at points at work this week and that is saying something as work has been hectic! I have always loved my husband very very much, but I have felt the deepest love for him over the last 3 weeks. If one good thing has come out of this period of anxiety it's that my husband and I are stronger than we have ever been. Soppy stuff over for now...I promise ;-)
I seem to have sparked the aromatherapy revival at work! Since talking about how it has helped, colleagues have also rediscovered their love for aromatherapy oils and also purchased the aromatherapy necklace. I shared the love back by giving them some of the oil I mixed which is now called the "Natalie's happy work mix".
Since my last blog entry an interesting subject has arisen from a comment I made, the comment was "putting anxiety back in its box where it belongs". I was contacted and asked whether a more appropriate phrase and thinking would have been "vaporise the anxiety so that it no longer exists". Hence the Harry Potter spell above about making things disappear like magic! It would be nice to think the anxiety would be completely gone but the realist in me and my own personal experience knows the best I can hope for is for it to become more manageable. The only way I could think to explain it was to compare it to another illness. I also have an autoimmune disease – hypothyroidism. Its controlled by medication, which I will have to take for the rest of my life, I'm not going to wake up one day and it's going to be gone unfortunately. Even managed by medication and lifestyle, I do get days where I have thyroid storms, days when I feel terrible....this is going to be similar for the anxiety. It's going to be managed but it will always be there, some days it will be better than others but if I can put it back in it's box, I'll be happy with that.
Its great that my blog has sparked this conversation after all it was designed to dispel common myths, educate and get people talking about Mental Health. The person who initially raised this point with me, has made a very valid point and that’s the fact we use the phrase 'being anxious' to cover a temporary situation, for example when you feel anxious about a job interview once the interview is over the anxiety subsides. Whereas a mental health issue of 'being anxious ' is more of a medical/ technical description. I'm not suffering with temporary anxiety, I'm suffering with an Anxiety disorder. For info I have copied an explanation of this below:
Anxiety disorders are a group of mental disorders characterised by significant feelings of anxiety and fear. Anxiety is a worry about future events and fear is a reaction to current events. These feelings may cause physical symptoms, such as a fast heart rate and shakiness. There are a number of anxiety disorders: including generalized anxiety disorder, specific phobia, social anxiety disorder, separation anxiety disorder, agoraphobia, panic disorder, and selective mutism. The disorder differs by what results in the symptoms.
The cause of anxiety disorders is a combination of genetic and environmental factors. Risk factors include a history of child abuse, family history of mental disorders, and poverty. Anxiety disorders often occur with other mental disorders, particularly major depressive disorder, personality disorder, and substance use disorder. To be diagnosed symptoms typically need to be present for at least six months, be more than would be expected for the situation, and decrease functioning.
I had my first counselling session this week, it was the usual filling out questionnaires to establish how bad the anxiety is. It was also a getting to know you session between me and the Councillor. Interestingly just picking up a point on the explanation above of anxiety, we did discuss family history of mental disorders and my childhood trauma. We talked about goals I wanted from the sessions. It was a good feeling knowing I was finally getting the help I need. I did end up reading one of my poems to explain how I feel during a panic attack, I'm so glad I had that share.
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