Another weekly update. I am trying to keep these updates to about once a week, unless something really significant happens, so as to not bombard my Facebook feed.
It's was Mental Health awareness week last week and I have done some small things to recognise this. One I can't really share at the moment, as it is work related and I am waiting to hear back from them, however this will be a massive positive step for both me and hopefully the business – possibly more on this later if I'm allowed. I have also supported a local mental health charity, thankfully I have a good support network around me but for some they have no-one and I can't even imagine going through this alone.
I have also had conversation with a complete stranger regarding a booking for our holiday to explain of my issues and anxiety. I decided I was going to make this phone call, as I wanted to ensure there was adequate provisions in place for my situation whilst on holiday. The holiday is something we have both been worried about how I would cope. After all it’s a new place to us, my routine will be broken etc. However as it's a special birthday for someone who has been amazingly fantastic in their support, this was the one thing I wanted to try and do for him! I was nervous making the phone call, however the person I spoke to was lovely, he allowed me to explain and we discussed my options. He also thanked me for being so honest and went as far as to suggest it would be easier if more people talked about mental health and anxiety issues. That was of course music to my ears. When we have been on this little surprise and all being well, I will name and promote this business, as they were fantastic with the handling of my request.
More positive things from last week... I have rediscovered aromatherapy! I use to love oils etc but as our last cat was a little sensitive to well.... everything, I stopped burning candles, incense and oils. As noted in a previous blog I have been using Lavender oil to associate with sleep. I decided I wanted something to keep me calm and uplifted at work. I had been using a rollerball stick, but as soon as I applied this to my pulse points, I could no longer smell it. So I decided to purchase an aromatherapy diffuser necklace and bracelet. I researched uplifting and calming oils and experimented with my favs. I came up with a scent I liked of a mix of lavender, sandalwood and orange. It's helped in so many ways. Not only can I smell it for most of the time, as food smells have become a trigger, I grab the necklace pendent give it a sniff to reassure myself all is ok. I can’t recommend it enough. I also love it says 'just breathe' on it too....but there are loads....here's the link to the one I purchased.
https://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/B0711T78P2/ref=oh_aui_detailpage_o01_s00?ie=UTF8&psc=1
I'm now 4 days free of taking Venlafaxine, I think it's too early to say how I'm getting on, this will be the first time I've not had Anti-D's in my body for nearly 20 years. I have just been trying to keep busy and hope I don't notice the change. Dr's appointment booked for Friday to check in on my progress.
I still can’t answer the questions "how you doing?" or "how's you?"…. I find it difficult to say "I'm ok", it's the easiest option when I can’t go to the lengths to explain... but whilst I maybe 'ok' for that one moment, who knows what happens in the next. So I just say "I'm surviving" and I'm happy with that. Happy with that because there have been times where I felt like I wasn't surviving and I wanted things to end. Messages that say things like "just checking in" I find really helpful. That enables me to say "thanks for the message to let me know you’re thinking of me" and opens up the channel of communication in saying how I'm feeling if I'm able.
Counselling starts for me soon and I feel nervous and excited about it (I've never been able to tell between these 2 emotions, which is one of my issues). Counselling is difficult and can make you feel worse for a short time and is mentally draining. You have to drag up triggers, talk about all the difficult stuff, for me the same stuff raises its head from my childhood time and time again and now there are more issues than ever. However it's an important step on my journey to some form of recovery again and putting anxiety back in its box where it belongs.
So here we are another week in the life of my anxiety …. The onward journey continues!
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