My Dad sends me messages saying "little nibbles" which is kind of ironic (given the food issues I have) and makes me smile...I like to think about 'little steps' rather than 'nibbles' for obvious reasons :-)
I had a good weekend in as much as I did 2 things, which I haven’t been able to do for the last 5 months or so.
I cycled into Bedminster and had a little look round the shops. It wasn't mindless shopping as I knew what I needed, however at least I went on a Saturday at its busiest time. Something I have absolutely avoided where possible before.
Secondly... I managed to go down to the Bristol 10k to support my brother. Those that have read previous blog posts will know that my brother has been one of my rocks during this time and I have kind of felt like I have let him down recently. I was so pleased I was able to go....I managed to go on public transport which was the first time I'm ages. Not to mention how bonkers busy it was down at the 10k with loads of people and runners!
I managed both things with little issue but was a really exhausted on Sunday.
I have moved and registered with a new Doctors practice in South Bristol and had my first appointment there on Friday. In summary despite me being prescribed the Venlafaxine for anxiety we think it is making me worse, when you research the drug it shows it can go one of 2 ways...make you better or make the anxiety worse. I just don’t think it's the drug for me. So under the Drs guidance I am going to shortly be coming off anti-depressants, for the first time in at least 20 years this time round! It's the right time to try and get to know me...the me without the fuzz or numbness of Anti-D's. The idea is to see if I get any of the side effects I have been having, once the medication is out of my system. Hopefully the anxiety will improve in this time also.
I know the worst that is going to happen is I'll get really bad again and have to try another Anti-D. I am suffering from the worse withdrawal headache though, so if I come across cranky, uninterested, or my concentration level seems lower than usual....I'm battling a massive eye watering headache.
In other news....I have today been offered private counselling to start at the end of May. I'm having to pay though as we weighed up the options, and I'd rather be in debt and feeling better, than another 4 months of hideous anxiety on the NHS wait list...by which point this period would have been going on for approx. 10 months.
All in all...change is happening! I know I can't wave that magic wand, I know I'm not going to be rushing to the next social event I'm invited to, but it's a start. I need to take things slow...as I have a habit of rushing on... thinking it's all ok and better and then it hits me all over again.
I've said this before and I'll say it again ...thank you for keeping up to date with my progress, for the encouraging words etc. I read a recent article about how over sharing can look like attention seeking. Those that know me, will know this is not the case and this blog is part of my therapy and it is easier than trying to explain to everyone individually what's going on when I can't always verbalise how I'm feeling. Forgive my messages to you which sometimes just say " read my recent blog for update" x
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