Rejoice it’s a Christmas miracle…I have finally been contacted about NHS High Intensity CBT. It’s only been 10 months on the wait list!! I have been given 12 free sessions of which I intend to make the most of.
Despite my recent dip in mood, the weekend saw a small victory and a massive achievement. This sounds like a thing that the majority of people would take for granted but I went and had a (non-alcoholic) drink in a local pub with my closest work colleagues. I purposefully missed our Christmas meal for reasons explained in my last blog, so I was glad to spend some festive time with these guys. On Saturday I managed to eat Christmas dinner around the table with my brother, sister-in-law and her family. This is a massive achievement for me, as I haven’t sat round the table and had dinner at anyone else’s house for over a year now.
I have a few other things coming up this week which I’m feeling anxious about but I’m trying not to ‘think’ about these things too much.
I haven’t been able to think about the future, as I have just been trying to get through each day. However we have booked and committed to a few things in the next 7 months or so. A trip to Harry Potter world in January, Muse in concert in June and a trip to the theatre in London in July to see our favorite musical Jesus Christ Superstar. I just hope I have done enough work in counselling and personally to get through and enjoy these occasions.
I am beginning to see things a little differently in regards to the huge amount of pressure I applied on myself previously. For example just because everyone else is doing something or copes in a certain situation doesn’t mean that I would or should.
Sleep is still a real issue for me. I don’t usually fall asleep until 1.30am and I am normally awake again by 4/4.30am. Now this is better than what was happening where I was waking up every hour but it’s still not enough sleep for me to feel like I can function fully. I’m back to being heavily reliant on audiobooks when I can’t sleep, to stop my own mind from torturing me. I’m loving books by Dilly Court at the moment, as she has a few Christmas themed books which are an easy listen.
I really hope the festive season is treating you all well and not causing too much stress and anxiety. Even if you do feel this way remember you are absolutely entitled to these feelings as it is a difficult time ofyear. Be kind to yourself….take it one day at a time.
Big love N x
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