This is a blog I have wanted to write for a very long time and I have spent time researching. Yes I'm going to be the Girl who talks about the term 'Man up' in regards mental health and particularly men's mental health.
I am purely writing this as an observation piece and thoughts I have gathered when speaking to male family and friends about their personal experiences with their own mental health.
I know there is a lot of emphasis on politically correctness these days, some of which I agree with some of which I see as overkill, you may well read the below and feel the same, but I wanted this to be thought provoking more than me pushing my own opinion on my readers.
So lets start with my issues with the term 'Man Up' and I mean this in the sense of:
A football player going down on the pitch and the fans screaming man up.
Feeling under the weather and someone tells you to man up.
Not wanting to go for another pint and your mates tell you to man up.
Showing affection and being told to man up.
Falling off a bike when you were young, being in tears and someone tells you to man up.
For me the saying 'Man Up' is a shaming term for someone who may be showing vulnerability and emotion. It's almost like saying it's ok to bottle up your feelings and you should just get on and put up with it. The term is a generalised stereo type of how a man should behave or in modern society how we expect men to react and behave.
Maybe this is the issue? In an important year when we are celebrating feminism and women's rights, should we be looking at overhauling the way we look at gender stereo types? After all strengths and weaknesses have nothing to do with gender or sex, both genders and sexes should be able to freely express feelings without being shamed for doing so. No one should be shamed for how they feel.
Research has shown that men who internalise their feelings can in time present this as anger. This is demonstrated in works being done in Prisons. Inmates are participating in exploring the concepts of masculinity and identity to tackle stereo types and mental health in prison in an attempt to supress reoffending.
Here are a few stats for you:
84% of Men don't open up about their feelings
Men are 3 times more likely to take their own lives
3 out of every 4 suicides are Men
These stats are hard to think about!
Having spoken to a few men about their experiences with Mental Health, the overriding theme was that they were too embarrassed to say how they were feeling, for fear of being ridiculed or being seen as weak. Frankly this makes me feel so sad that anyone, not just men feel ashamed to talk about how they feel. Vulnerability and asking for help is a sign of strength as it takes courage. Showing your emotion does not make you weak or a fraud, pretending to be superhuman that is fraud.
We have to learn to listen and recognise the signs. Mental Health issues can of course differ from person to person so it can be difficult to spot the signs. Here are some helpful signs to look out for:
Feel sad, hopeless or empty
Feel extremely tired
Have difficulty sleeping
Not getting pleasure from activities they once enjoyed
Other behaviours in men that could be signs of depression but not recognised as such include:
Escapist behaviour, such as spending a lot of time at work or on sports
Alcohol or drug abuse
Controlling, violent or abusive behaviour
Irritability or inappropriate anger
Risky behaviour, such as reckless driving
From <https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/depression/in-depth/male-depression/art-20046216>
I ask that anyone who recognises this in themselves or others seek professional help and I have included some male specific help pages below. Please see my main website for other available organisation who can help.
Offering support to men in the UK, of any age, who are down or in crisis via our helpline, webchat and website
The leading charity changing the face of mens health. We are addressing some of the biggest health issues faced by men: prostate cancer, testicular cancer, and mental health and suicide prevention.
My parting thoughts on this are lets make more of an effort to listen and support those that need it. Lets leave the stereo types behind everyone deserves respect and love for opening up on how they feel.
No one should suffer in silence, the more we talk, the more likely we are to break down the stereo type and stigma around mental health in general but more so regarding men's mental health.
I hope you have found this an interesting thought provoking read. I am interested in other peoples opinions on this subject, therefore please feel free to message me on FB, comment in the comments under this post on Facebook. Or please feel free to email me at nataliehowitt@hotmail.com
Big love N x
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