I recently spoke up in a group setting about the #ASKTWICE campaign. It's all well and good advising people to ask their friends and family if they're OK once, and then again to make sure they are actually OK, but what if that person is not ready to talk? You could ask 100 times, but if they're not ready to talk then they're not going to share with you.
It is however good and right that we make ourselves open, approachable and available should someone want to talk about their Mental Health.
For a long time I struggled to verbalise how I was feeling, even to my husband. He knew something was wrong but I couldn't explain to him what it was, or how bad I was feeling. This is why I started writing poems, I found when I did this I could express how I was feeling and to what extent.
As someone who isn’t ready to talk, you feel a bit numb, perhaps you're not sure how you're feeling, you can’t describe it – That's completely ok. It took me a good 2 years to be able to sufficiently openly talk physically about my mental health.
Don’t feel pressured into talking, people may pick up on the fact you’re not yourself, particularly when charities and MH support groups encourage us to check on our friends and family.
Some tips to try if you can't physically talk about it: Write a letter. Draw a picture. Find a song that resonates with you. A picture or poem that reflects your feelings.
Once you have found that way to communicate, regardless of what it is – confide in someone... anyone. There is a lot to be said for 'a problem shared, is a problem halved'.
If it stays in your head until you're ready to confide in someone that’s ok. However..... and this is a big HOWEVER, there is a huge difference between not being ready to talk and burying your head in the sand if you have an issue. This can be dangerous!! Please please don’t let it get to a breaking point.
Once you have found you are able to communicate the issue even if only briefly, find ways of making it easier to share you're having a bad day, bad week or just a bad time. With panic attacks I could never talk or verbalise fully in the throes of one - try setting up a pre-agreed code word. Then all you have to do is utter one word, or text that word to someone and they know they can look out for you and they know you’re going through something horrible.
The #ASKTWICE campaign is absolutely worth highlighting of course, I'm just merely suggesting that someone who is not feeling quite right about their mental health just simply may not be ready to share.
Paitence and kindness is key, both for the person who is checking up on a friend or family member and also for the potential sufferer.
Big thought provoking love 😉... N X
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